The two most common forms of jealousy that I have encountered are:
- Jealousy as in the desire to protect what you perceive as yours and yours only.
- Jealousy as in comparing yourself to others and wanting what they have.
I call the first form of jealousy, protection jealousy. When we suffer from this type of jealousy, we act like a bull-dog who is constantly on guard to tackle any trespasser. The most important thing to know about protection jealousy is that it is primarily founded upon insecurity. When we are afraid that our partner will fall for someone else, it is usually because we have little or no confidence in our relationship or traits.
If the underlaying reason for your protection jealousy is that you have little confidence in your relationship, communication is the ultimate key for you. Talking to your partner is the best tool to tackle any misunderstandings. Try to avoid the “We should talk” atmosphere, and talk with him/her in a positive, open and interactive environment (e.g. the park) instead. Explain to him/her what is bothering you and try looking for a solution together.
If the underlaying reason for your protection jealousy is that you have little confidence in your own traits, self-love is the ultimate key for you. There is absolute no reason why you should not love yourself. You are fabulous. Point. End. Finito. Of course, learning to love yourself is a process, but you are not alone in this! For inspiration, read my confidence boost posts.
I call the second form of jealousy, comparison jealousy. The number one reason why we fall into this trap is because we have not found gratitude. Without gratitude, happiness is a very long way from where we are. An easy way to practice gratitude is by telling yourself something you are grateful for whenever you have a jealous thought. For example, if you are jealous of your cousin’s new car, tell yourself: “Yes, she has a nice car, but I have nice legs, they allow me to walk and stuff. Pretty awesome!” 😉
Luckily, gratitude can be found in the simplest things in life, such as waking up, having friends and family, or nature. True happiness is all about finding gratitude in the smallest things – the things we often take for granted. Once we have found gratitude, comparison jealousy will not have a strong hold on us.
The bottom line
I am certain that we have all been jealous at some point in our lives – whether it’s protection jealousy or comparison jealousy. Do not be ashamed of your jealous feelings, it’s human. The more conscious you become of jealousy, the easier it will be for you to unbuckle yourself out of the jealousy trap. You got this!